Oct. 14, 2010
NOTRE DAME, Ind. –
It has been said that family members who pass on never really leave us. That the best qualities that defined and shaped these loved ones remain in our hearts and minds, helping those affected by their passing to live more fulfilling lives and to assist others in need.
This belief has particularly rung true with the family and friends of Ryan Shay ’02 (track), a nine-time All-American with the Irish who died unexpectedly during the running of the U.S. Olympic Marathon trials in New York City in 2007. During Shay’s lifetime, his ability to lead and motivate others earned him the admiration of those who knew him best, and Ryan’s unique qualities continue to inspire his family and friends to always achieve their best in an effort to keep his memory alive.
However, finding a more tangible and concrete way to properly honor a loved one like Ryan is often easier said that done.
For Ryan’s sister, Sarah, working full-time as a single mom in Austin, Texas, it was becoming increasingly more difficult to find her own personal way of paying tribute to her late brother.
Diagnosed with lupus in August 2009, Shay struggled through a lethargic summer that year and needed a sign of hope that she could get her life back on track again.
Then, one night the following month, almost two years after her brother’s death, she received that sign from none other than Ryan himself.
Sarah was in a midst of one of those frustrating dreams, competing in a road race, but being able to run only in place. Then, all of a sudden Ryan appeared, running alongside her and encouraging her to focus and make it to the finish line. Sarah immediately began making progress, and eventually finished the race before waking up.
“I took the dream as a message from Ryan that I should run my first marathon. It suddenly became possible,” said Shay, who had completed a half-marathon the February prior. “I didn’t have any other goal, just to run a marathon in his memory.”
When Sarah announced her decision to run the Austin marathon in honor of her brother, she received a great amount of support from Ryan’s widow, Alicia, and the rest of the Shay family. This support grew into a powerful motivational network during her training sessions, with seven Shay brothers and sisters serving as proud sources of encouragement.
One of Shay’s brothers in particular, Nathan, a 2003 Notre Dame graduate, was quite moved by Sarah’s marathon goal. Nathan was one of Ryan’s closest siblings growing up, as the two shared a room throughout their childhoods. They continued this strong friendship beyond adolescence, as the two brothers competed together on the track team at Notre Dame.
“Ryan could be quite eloquent when he spoke, but I think some of his biggest messages were unspoken,” Nathan Shay said. “His ability to lead by example is why people feel inspired by his memory. He just executed, and I think that’s what Sarah’s done here. She said ‘I want to do this,’ and she’s used his example and said ‘I’m going to stick to it.’ She’s using that same Shay work ethic that made Ryan the person that he is.”
With a demanding job and a four-year-old son, Max, to look after, finding any free time to train for the marathon was a daunting task for Sarah. She began by jogging with Max in his stroller about 20 minutes each day. Once she mastered those workouts and moved on to the harder portion of her training regimen, Shay enlisted the help of her family and close friends to watch Max while she completed the longer, more demanding runs. By the end of the long and arduous training process, Shay was maxing out at around 45-50 miles of running per week.
To fight through the mental and physical exhaustion that accompanied her training sessions and her ongoing battle with lupus, Shay always thought of her brother’s ability to press on in the heat of competition.
“Ryan was always someone to admire and look up to for the work he put into his sport,” Shay said. “No matter whether he won or not, we always knew that out of all the competitors, he was the one always giving 100 percent because he never accepted less than that in anything he did.”
Finally, almost a year to the date of her dream about Ryan, Sarah Shay approached the starting line of the Austin marathon in February 2010, determined to accomplish her goal.
Despite taking on the most difficult run of her life in the scorching Texas heat, Shay made good time and finished the race with a great sense of pride, knowing she had completed what she set out to do.
“At the finish line, my son was there cheering me on with a big sign, and I instantly thought of Ryan,” Shay said. “I went from the high of running a marathon to crying because someone said, ‘Your brother would be so proud of you.’ I just thought about how hard the training was and how he did these races on a regular basis like it was nothing.”
Shay in 2007.
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In addition to paying homage to her brother during the marathon, Sarah also did a great deal of fundraising prior to the competition, with proceeds going to the Wounded Warrior Project in Ryan’s name. The organization helps injured service members aid and assist each other while raising awareness and enlisting the public’s aid to meet the needs of these service veterans.
Sarah had followed the organization on Facebook long before her race, and was moved one day by a photo of Iraq veterans with amputated legs, training for a paratriathlon on the site. As Ryan had also shown great support for the troops during his lifetime, Sarah and her brother Nathan both knew it was the right cause for her to support.
“Ryan always had a strong sense of patriotism and national pride – and he displayed this well – being honorable in what you do and defending your beliefs,” Nathan said. “I believe the cause that Sarah’s representing is giving something back to those who have done that for the greater population of the United States.”
Sarah raised more than $13,000 for the Wounded Warrior Project in conjunction with her run in Austin. A few days after the race, the organization sent her a commemorative plaque and a letter expressing gratitude for her generous gift.
Moved by the warm gesture and how beneficial the money was to helping military veterans after they return home, Shay became determined to run one more race to pledge her support to Wounded Warriors.
Now, a little more than a year later, Sarah Shay is training vigilantly in preparation for the November 7 marathon in New York City, the site of her brother’s passing in 2007. Another Shay brother, Case, completed the race in 2008 as a tribute to Ryan, and Sarah’s goal is to finish the run this season in an effort to represent the sisters in the Shay family while raising awareness for Wounded Warriors.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever have the time and energy to fundraise and run like this again,” Shay said. “So while it’s not closure, for me it represents a good ending by returning to Central Park, visiting where he passed away and finishing the race for Ryan.”
And her brother Nathan knows that Ryan will be with Sarah every step of the way, with nothing but love and admiration for his big sister.
“I think Ryan would be really proud of what she’s accomplished. It’s pretty impressive when you think of her amount of responsibilities. Sarah’s always been a charitable and giving person, and I think her selflessness and support of others is what she does best. She is embodying exactly what made Ryan so inspiring to all of us.”
To read Sarah’s blog, or to donate to her Wounded Warriors fund in Ryan’s name, please click here.
— ND —